Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
