I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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