he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My balls are so social today.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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