Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
