grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She even gives head with a lisp.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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