You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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