My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
