It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
