wanna go halves on a baby?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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