direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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