like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize