you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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