And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
