ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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