Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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