Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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