I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
