Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
