All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
