im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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