I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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