You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
