But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Someone shattered a urinal.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
