your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
