I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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