Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
