So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
