If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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