Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
