I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
