Nicole vs. Life
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
