he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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