There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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