It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
