Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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