im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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