his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
