First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
