that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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