Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
When did we convert life to cartoon?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
