There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
