very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
