trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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