Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
