I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
