note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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