My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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