dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
