it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
