..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
