quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
