I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
