the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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