it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
