i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
