Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
