Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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