I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My ass is underappreciated
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
