So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
