My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
ok first of all what the fuck
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
