My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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