Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
