I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
