Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
