so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
