How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
