Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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