I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
