Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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