theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
